Okay, that kinda sucked

Aside from the AWSOME gifts I received - thank you, thank you, thank you - Christmas kinda sucked this year.

All of two whole people showed up Christmas Eve. While it was great of them to come and we had a nice evening, it really stung that no one else that was invited came - or called for that matter. I had figured on at least two more people but I haven't heard from them. Not even Christmas Day when they were supposedly "definitly" coming by.

But with everything going on with Matthew and not getting to see my Dad after planning on it for so long... it was all too much. Or too little, depending how you look at it. I actually starting crying at about 9pm Christmas Eve because all I could think was, "Could I really be that horrible of a person?"

Christmas morning my Dad called to say that he opened the gift I sent him and he liked it. He put my neice on the phone for a minute and Mom could hear her chattering about how Santa ate the cookies and the reindeer ate the carrot. We both spent the next hour crying.

Merry freaking Christmas.

No matter what has been going on in my life around the holiday before, Christmas lights and music and movies and the whole thing always cheered me up. This year I look at my beloved Christmas village that I've had longer than I can remember and I just want to pack it all away and never look at it again. Same with the tree and everything else that looks remotely Christmasy.

When did my life become something to be endured?